I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever, so I should eat right now. And I wielded that power. To me the way to manage is not to have 50 versions of yourself. I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. You just go and you just do it.
People get pregnant because of alcohol. You're gonna have sex with zero women. New York City is a giant piece of litter. If you ask a single person how's it going, they're like, well, 'my girlfriend doesn't like the same music as me, and she acts bored at parties. God is calling a few people with Jewish heritage to be Christians, and that is a good thing. That means so much to me.
The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. I think god is there and that he is watching and he made us. It has all the elements. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. So what were we supposed to do? Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. The scene of the girl's apparent surrender to John Malkovich is brilliantly depicted and, in a way, says it all. That shit smelling gas comes out of your ass and it makes a toot sound.
If it was an option I would re-up every year! But that has happened zero times. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Marriage is for how long you can hack it. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny. We got it down to eight for you. Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over. You know what our number one threat is? You live in the most amazing time in the history of the world.
Who cares, you've got to get your kids to school. So you don't get to be bored. But Louis' point was to look around. But Louis' point was to look around. And I can hardly wrap my head around the scope of hurt I brought on them. Gentiles are coming to the end of their calling, and that is ominous.
People try to talk about it like it's a social issue. Your phone is this amazing computer in your pocket, yet if everything isn't perfect all the time we are always just complaining because we are the world's biggest whiners. Did they literally hit you on your body? Every year has been better than the last. We got it down to eight for you. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. The power I had over these women is that they me. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people.
You know what I mean? We are at the end of the world, for sure. We're the number one threat to women, globally and historically, we're the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women. This guy, 90 billion dollars. We're the worst thing that ever happens to them. That'll be a cool name for a kid.
I dunno, it's your shitty kid, you fucking' tell 'em. Just, because also-- also-- it lights up your big dumb face. Why is that anyone else's problem? Some people love working with a writing staff. Even the inside of your own mind is endless. Standup was the only thing I could stick with.
This was taken from his time on Letterman when he told a story about someone who turned out to be him on a plane who was complaining that their phone wasn't working. It's the last thing you see. So I like it that way. The form of entertainment where people sit back, shut down, and let screens suck away all of the life out of them. This is New York City … New York City is not the environment.