I also have stock messages that i send or even sometimes a picture without having to have a conversation. I am just so tired. I dont know what to do. Married to Aspie for 15 years, set course for divorce 3 years ago, cancelled it, tried working through our issues, but now finally realizing we're making each other too unhappy. I would hate to spent the rest of my life in this blur existence.
It is you, who must set the distinct boundaries. My H is soooo argumentative although he insists it's me of course that broaching any subject, even later when things have cooled down, usually result in another fight - he just picks up where he left off which I find interesting that he remembers that well enough, but not other important things day to day. But all conversations are a struggle, cuz he will not give me any feedback, his opinion or comment when I want to engage in a stimulating topic cuz he loses track and his always off topic and then I end up confused and fustrated. Forget the kids at school? I really just didn't get it. There are others times during the day when I find it very hard to attend such as if I haven't eaten enough protein, am super stressed, or if I'm in the car. I have learned to accept him as he is as he needs to except me as I am.
I've also found that recognition of when I do the right thing is much more effective than picking up on times when I get it wrong - I'll get it wrong a lot, and just feel worse about myself and our relationship without actually getting better if I hear a lot of criticism. I think if you make a mistake and your mate gets frustrated. Could marrying someone with Asperger's syndrome be one way to ensure a long and happy partnership? I feel like my life is over! If the un-afflicted spouse can learn how to accept their partner then there is a good chance the marriage can be saved. At first that was something I liked about him because he was fun to be around and there was some kind of naïvety in the way he acted that I found. It's a mechanism to provide an objective reference. To create this article, 27 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Last August, Dan was being unfairly treated at work and decided he needed occupational health support to be able to continue.
So, having a clearly disabled sibling was a bit of a problem. I get advice from some peopleho know that say leave, and my own parents think I am not patient enough. I offer no excuses or apologies, this is how it is in order for us to survive, I must have time away to recharge. Karin, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting this subject out there. Marshack suggests starting with individual therapy for both partners and then doing couples therapy. He would want to be intimate but feel he owed me nothing emotionally or intellectually.
But all this new knowledge is starting to make some sense out of my life. To hear him re tell this tale--or any other for that matter You would think that it was all my fault ---he reweaves and back-peddles to a dizzying extent. I got married in 2005, it started off great, lasted seven years. I too feel drained and worthless. Living with someone who sees only his or her own viewpoint cannot help but damage a spouse's self-esteem.
We have been through no less than 8 joint counselors and he has been through several individual ones for very short periods of time. I have come to accept that most of the time I will be a single parent even though their father does live here with us. The behaviours have slowly worn me down all seem to have to do with his inability to read or express care or emotional warmth. After marriage, he lost interest in sex after three or four weeks and made it clear he did not want children. He had no problems squashing those and replacing out lives with misery. This works out well for us, as we all help out in different areas and make allowances for each other.
When we had sex, the following day he would be vaguely distant or even off putting. I had friends but kept my distance so they wouldnt get tired of me, because I know I'm tiring , I managed to behave normally in school no matter how torn apart I was by the chaotic environment, and being academically talented I managed. I am sure they will wonder what sort of cold-hearted wife would even ask?! Somehow, in spite of the various red flags, I asked her to marry me. Love a man and be loved back. While dating, I thought he was just quirky and shy.
When i introduced the thought that he might have aspergers, he seemed rather upset by it, i thought he would have taken sometime to read about but he hasn't, he thinks am being unfair by labelinghing him. So, if I don't ask he will make some remarks about it but will not ask himself. I think what can be changed is different from each person and is something that you and your husband would have to identify together and commit to working on. He also said it would be an upsetting thing, but that he certainly can't believe it would be more upsetting than what I would be going through in having him so in denial that I need a list to wake him up. And it isnt worth hurting someone to get it.